Amherst, Massachusetts

Hampshire College students, long known for their political and social activism, are at it again. Returning to campus in serious drought conditions, an ad hoc group of earnest enviros launched the BATH BAN PLEDGE, which has since been signed by over 97% of students. Pledge participants agree to forego showers, baths, and other water-intensive forms of personal hygiene until the Town of Amherst officially lifts the Drought Warning. According to student leader Wren Silverberg, “Other campuses are initiating 3 minute showers and other conservation initiatives, but this is Hampshire. We felt like we could do more. By limiting ourselves to water-free hygiene options, we’re sending a message that drought will not be tolerated.”

Local leaders are applauding the students for their dedication and sacrifice. Amherst Select Board member Lizzy Grassfed challenged other campuses to take up the cause: “Hampshire students are willing to sacrifice their clean-cut, well-groomed image for the sake of the town. I commend them. What are UMASS students doing? Replacing water with beer is not enough.”

In a possibly related story, Shop Therapy Loses Stock of Patchouli Oil to Shoplifters

Northampton’s Shop Therapy is alarmed by the Pledge. According to store manager Akhbar Jones, “I ordered like 200 bottles of patchouli oil before the semester started. According to receipts I’ve only sold two, yet I have nothing left in inventory. Now I’m not pointing fingers here, but this no shower thing at Hampshire seems awfully coincidental. And have you smelled these kids? Christ.”