Springfield, Massachusetts

Next week the Pioneer Valley will see the most anxiously anticipated IPO since last year, when Take Magazine ‘took’ the Springfield Stock Exchange by storm, sending daily trading to over $768 and lining the pockets of local investors. Now, after blowing away analysts’ earnings expectations yet again, Northampton’s Pedal People Cooperative is finally going public.

“This past quarter was our strongest yet, and we’re eager for our IPO payday,” read a statement from the workers’ collective, “we’ve got ambitious goals, with a plan to capture a full 20% of Northampton’s total waste and recycling market within the next three years. That’s going to require some serious capital, and at least 400 additional full-time cyclists”.

A member of the cooperative contacted the Curtain shortly before press time with an anonymous tip: it appears that the Peoples’ long-range planning includes the future purchase of “real garbage trucks. The cool kind, with the hydraulics and everything. Diesel.” This IPO, and next quarter’s performance, will tell the tale. In the meantime, Tofu Curtain is recommending a BUY when shares hit the market.